Month: October 2014

On teacher priorities.

“Miss, what grade did I have in your class last week?”
“I don’t know! I have better things to remember than everyone’s grades!”
“Like groceries?”

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On racial differentiation.

<Student looks at House on Mango Street cover. Raises hand.>
“Miss, can I get the black version of this?”
“Well, the book is based on a Latina girl growing up in a mainly Hispanic neighborhood, written by a Hispanic author.”
“Yeah, I know. I want the black version.”
“There isn’t a black version. It’s not like a language translation…”
“Not fair, Miss. Not fair. You should make a black version for me.”
“But see, that would take away some of the significance, and-“
“Yeah, okay, whatever. I see how it is. Too much work. I’ll deal.”
“Not-whatever, yes, okay. Thank you. Read now.”
<under breath> “Be Mexican. Be Mexican.”

On the roots of my wit.

<I’m telling the students a story I feel adequately depicts my dad for legit educational purposes when this happens…>
“So then, I’m like, this tiny little 5 year-old, crying, and he asks if it hurts, and of course I say ‘Yes,’ and he says, ‘Oh, that’s funny, I didn’t feel a thing!'”
<Class laughs and exclaims unbelievingly.>
“This makes sense now, Miss V——-.”
“What makes sense?”
“Why you’re so like, sarcastic and kind of mean to us and stuff but we can totally tell that you care about us and are nice at the same time.”
“Ah, yes. I did get that magical ability from him. It probably came with the bird bones and stubbornness.”
“Like, what else did you learn from him?”
“Oh…I don’t know…oh! You know how I say ‘It’s good to have wants?'”
“That was from him?”
“Yep.”
“Oh, what a jerk! So HE’S the reason I don’t get to sit by my friends or eat in class or listen to music!”
“If you want to blame him, sure, I’m fine with that.”
“Ugh, Miss. Parents need to learn that what they teach their children affects others.”

On my celebrity look alike.

“Miss, can I say something?”
“Else? Yes.”
“What?”
“Never mind, just- what is it?”
“Um, okay…”
“Did you forget?”
“Yeah. WAIT! No. You look like Taylor Swift.”
“False. So anyway…”
“OMG, she DOES!”
“Why, because we’re both white and have ponytails?”
“No, you just DO.”
“No, she’s paler than I am and thinner and her hair is bonder and she has squinty-et eyes…”
“You look like her.”
“Yep, you totally do.”
“Whatever.”
<whispering> “She looks like her.”