Month: July 2015

On grocery store meet cutes.

<AFTER my jog, I ran by the grocery store to grab some fruit and ended up in line for a cashier I taught about 3 years ago in middle school. As I’m throwing my produce onto the conveyor, the guy ahead of me turns around.>
“Post-workout snack?”
“Nice. I always think I should go by the store after I work out, but I’m too self-conscious to do it, so I just go home and eat chips.”
<Former student starts scanning the guy’s items.>
“What, you don’t want to go shopping all red-in-the-face and sweaty? I wonder why.”
“Right? Not attractive. It’s a good look on you, though.”
“Please don’t hit on my teacher in front of me, dude. Please. Don’t.”
“Maybe he was just being nice, D—–.”
“Oh, no, I was hitting on you.”
“That’s it, now I have to quit.”


On exercise, ethnicity, and life.

<During my 9:30 jog this morning, I made it to the soccer fields for cool down. About 30 seconds later, I felt someone grab my elbow.>
“Miss, you didn’t hear us?”
<Boy and girl student from my class last year stand there, panting.>
“I was wearing headphones.”
“You recognized me from way over there?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, how many white ladies have a back tattoo and a thigh tattoo and wear purple kicks?”
“So, remember when you said you’re not in shape?”
“I”m not. See how hard I’m breathing?”
“Miss, you know how they say girls don’t sweat, they glisten?”
“I don’t think you’re glistening, I think you’re sweating.”
<Girl-child smacks him on the back of his head.>
“You’re rude! Miss, how I find someone who won’t hit me on the head to date?”
“Start dating white girls.”
“But Miss, you hit your guy friends on the back of the head, you told us so.”
“See? I told you she wasn’t white. Just really pale.”

On shoes.

“Why are you walking so sloooooooow?”
“These shoes are two sizes too big.”
“Why are you wearing shoes too sizes too big?”
“They’re someone else’s.”
“Okay, why are you wearing someone else’s shoes?”
“I stayed out last night and I lost my shoes.”
<WTF look from me>
“I have an interesting life you know nothing about.”
<Scrutinizing look from me>
“Don’t fall down the stairs.”