Month: November 2015

On acceptance.

<Students were struggling to draw their comic strip summaries of Act III, scenes ii-v.>
“Miss, my Romeo looks like a poodle.”
“That’s alright, label your poodle so I know who your poodle is and it’ll be fine.”
“I like that she just accepts everyone the way they are. ‘Oh, are you a poodle? Cool. What’s your name, poodle?'”

On Thanksgiving plans.

“Miss, you gonna party on Thanksgiving?”
“Like, on the actual day?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I mean, I’m going to eat dinner with my family, if that’s what you mean…”
“They don’t party on Thanksgiving?”
“Her family’s white.”
“Oh, I forgot.”

On understanding Romeo’s feelings.

“Miss, he’s really upset. Why?”
“Well, he thinks his wife is dead.”
“So? They’ve only been married for like a day.”
“She’s saying that he’s all in his feelings, listening to Drake and thinking about life.”
“Oh, okay.”

On lying well.

<A student is trying to explain to us how he knows that Santa is actually real…>
“You just said you were five-“

“No, I forgot, I was ten, so-“
“Okay, no. You need to get your lie together. I’m gonna give you five minutes to sit down, get your lie together, and then retell it to us.”

On favorite teachers.

“My favorite teacher is Mrs. W——- because she always laughs at my jokes.”
“My favorite teacher is God, because he’s the only one who really matters.”
“Pick another one, because I’m pretty sure you don’t have to suck up to God.”

On my breaking-it-off style.

<One of my students is having a hard time leaving a negative relationship and came to ask for advice…with a supportive friend.>
“So, like, when you want to stop dating someone, what do you say?”
“I tell them I’m not feeling it and stop texting them back.”
“YOU BLUE DOT THEM, MISS? That’s even colder than I would even expect.”

On the origins of pot.

“Okay, I know I just heard something about doing illegal drugs, and we need to not, because we’re in class, and you should be finishing your warm up and not talking about drugs, so…”
“Miss, why is pot even bad?”
“Because it’s illegal.”
“But it’s a plant, not a drug.”
“It IS a drug because it alters your-“
“If it’s a plant, then Jesus made it, so it’s not bad.”
<Drops pen on ground.>