Month: January 2016

On modeling choices.

<Two boy-children discuss one of the two’s legit modeling careers after he shows me his latest ad.>
“Boy, c’mon, that’s not grown man work!”
“What do you mean? I’m a model!”
“You model for kids’ catalogs. I model for Playboy.”
“Uhm, I’m not sure-“
“Miss, just let it go. Just…let it go.”


On levels of lameness.

<The children are making fun of me for my hashtag examples when reviewing #summaries.>
“Whatever, guys, I know I’m lame and you know I’m lame. You can’t really make fun of me if I admit it.”

“Well, but, there’s lame and then there’s teacher lame.”
“Which one’s worse?”
“Which one are you?”
“Regular lame is worse, but teacher-lame is more permanent.”
“I’ll take it.”

On my clap backs.

Whilst browsing in the frozen foods section, an apparent Houston fan comes up to me.
Random Target man: “Oh hey, good job wearing that shirt. I mean, we may have lost but at least Watt was man enough to come back into the game. Your guy just, like, wussed out.”
Me: “Oh, wow, what a good burn. I’m sure that some guy at the Mesquite Target at 9pm is the leading expert on whether or not leaving the game you’re getting paid millions of dollars to play in with a knee injury after you’ve had two ACL injuries during your wildly successful NFL career is the manly choice to make. I’m sure you’re not trying to make yourself feel better about your own life that you chose to base around an inferior sports team, so he should be really and truly worried.”
Random Target man: “Well, you’re a fucking bitch.”
Me: “Wow, if you say I am, then I must be – I mean, look at me, minding my own business and buying frozen chicken – that’s a total bitch move, unlike accosting a random stranger about the shirt she’s wearing.”
<I put my chicken in my basket and walk around him…directly into the path of one of my former students, who’s holding up her left hand like paper and an invisible pen in her right.>
Student: “Dear Diary, Today I realized that Miss V could have been way meaner to us with her clap backs in class than she actually was. I’m terrified for what this means to my future.”
Me (grinning, yet continuing to walk past her): “You should be, you go to Horn.”
Student: “If my parents say it’s okay, will you adopt me?”

Lesson I learned: Wearing my JMac shirt to Target on a Saturday night after the Chiefs crush the Texans was apparently a large error in judgement.

On dress code options.

<My UIL academics kids – aka my smartypants kids – asked to look through my senior yearbook after school yesterday. I said yes. It was a mistake.>
“Wait, this is how you dressed in 2005?”
“Well, yeah, we didn’t have your dress code then.
“I don’t know what’s better – standardized dress or…that!”
“You mean worse. You don’t know what’s worse.”
“Either one…”
“This is how people dressed in 2005.”

On Writing Wednesday

“I don’t care what you write, as long as you write. Write about the prompt our fantastic librarians sent, write about how much you hate me, write a love letter to your boyfriend…whatever.”
“I’m gonna write a love note to my food.”
“Ooooo, me, too.”