Month: March 2016

On the work delay.

“Okay, you have nothing written down on your paper.”
“I know, but it’s on its way, Miss. It’s loading.”

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On going too far.

<A student who NEVER WORKS promised to complete his assignment if I let him use my giant owl pen.>
“You’re real excited about that pen.”
“Having something this think, long, and cylindrical in my hand just makes me happy, okay?”
<Whole class gets dead silent and stares at the kid.>
“DUDE.”
“What.”
“Too far.”
“WHAT.”
“TOO FAR.”
“What are you- oh. Oooooh. I didn’t even mean it that way.”
“It’s not his fault he’s bad – he didn’t even mean to be this time!”
“It’s so hard…”
<multiple kids> “STOP!”

On interests and hobbies.

<Student is completing a job application after finishing his work.>
“Miss V, I don’t have any interests and hobbies – what are your interests and hobbies?”
“I write, read, play the piano, I like photography…I travel…I volunteer…”
“…as TRIBUTE?!?”

On permanent etchings.

<The idea of tattoos came up because of a kid drawing on themselves.>
“Miss, does it hurt to get a tattoo?”
“Depends on where you get it – some places yes, other places no.”
“Like your ribs and feet and hands hurt, right?”
“Yes, and let me just say that if you’re getting a visible one, you need to make sure that it can be concealed AND that it’s respectable – like, don’t get a big gun on your wrist.”
“But, I could get, like, food tattooed on my wrist that I could cover with a watch, right?”
“What food would you get a tattoo of?”
“No, like, the word ‘food.’ It’s my passion.”

On pi day.

<Former student drops by my room to eat pie on Pi Day.>
“Miss, is it all the teachers who do this or only the cool ones?”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s just me.”
“So neither, then.”
“You eat my pie and insult me?”
“YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS.”
“Legit.”

On making the most of warm ups.

<Today, my students had a warm up about witch vs which. They were also in top form.>

“Miss, I need you to answer an important question.”
“Is it weird?”
“No. A little. But not really.”
“Okay.”
“What’s your first name?”
“Erin.”
<Student stands up & puffs himself up as big as he can to deliver this line.>
“Yer a wizard, Erin.”

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On 90s references.

<Student’s phone goes off on the charger for the second time.>
“J—, I swear-“
<Singing> “-by the moon and the stars in the sky-“
“No.”
“I’ll be there…”
“C’mon, Miss, finish it.”

I did not. I did, however, play the song at the end of class.

On what makes the world go ’round.

<Student pushes past another on the way to his seat.>
“Don’t be rude!”
“The world revolves around rudeness.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“My world revolves around greatness.”
“And food.”
“Oh, food. Yeah, no, not greatness – food.”

They were almost kids I could be proud of, but then they were real.