Month: December 2016

On my musical preferences. Again.

<Former student calls me to the door, where two more are with him, to ask a very important question.>
“Miss, were you listening to Shots by LMFAO this morning?”
“Immunizations are a very important part of leading a healthy, successful life as an American citizen.”
“Miss, really.”
“You know that’s not what the song’s about.”
<Looking at my favorite of the three.> “Sure it is. D—- knows that, don’t you?”
“Yep. All about vaccines.”
“Oh come on, it lists off shot names.”
“Yeah, so you know which ones to get.”
<sings, in rhythm>”Flu! Chicken pox! Measles! Malaria!”
“Malaria isn’t actually a shot, though…”
“Miss, come on, I’m trying to help you out here.”

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On the benefits of having them as students.

<I walk by several of my students before school as I’m digging for my keys.>
“Hey Miss V!”
“Miss VANSICKLLLLLE…”
“Good morning, gentlemen.”
“You looking for your keys?”
“I’ll find them, they’re in here.”
“Let’s all stare at her awkwardly until she finds them.”
<Silence.>
<I pause my search to verify that yes, they are all staring at me silently.>
“I hate you all.”
<I continue the search. Find them after several awkward minutes.>
“Yaaaaay!”
“We’re so proud of you!”
“You did it!”
“Aren’t you glad we were here to witness this success?”
“You’re so lucky to teach us.”

On reasons I don’t love them

“Look, don’t put this all on M—-. There’s plenty of blame to go around, just like in Romeo and Juliet.”
<Student I just defended.>”You KNOW she got to relate it back to the book.”
“Nah, bro, get it right – the movie.”
<I put my head on my desk.>
“OH MY GOD.”
“BOY, you stupid.”
“THIS IS WHY MISS V HATES US.”
“I don’t even blame her.”

On my voices

<I finish reading an expository passage aloud as the students continue to chart their ideas.>

“Miss V, do you know Tom Brokaw?”
“Uh, no. Why?”
“You sound just like him.”
“OH MY GOD, YES.”
“Did you, like, take a class to talk like a reporter, Miss?”
“No…but I do have a degree in journalism.”
“That seems like too much just to talk in that voice.”

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