Deep thoughts

On their waste status.

“Girl, I can’t believe you did that. You trash.”
“I’m not trash, I’m recyclable!”

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On why my life is so awful.

<to another student who dropped a highlighter>”Could you actually learn to catch, for the first time ever?”
“Could you actually do some work for the first time ever?”
“Oh, no, hold up, Miss. I have an A+ in your class, so bring it.”
“Ughhhhh why is my life so awful?”
<Dancing.> “‘Cause I’m in it!” <Continues dancing.>

On proof of love.

<Teaching life lessons while reading…>

“Should you ever ask anyone to prove their love to you?”
<Most of class> “NO!”
<One kid> “YES!”
“Um, no.”
“Okay, but only if you’re really hungry and you want your mom to make you a sandwich.”

On goals.

As rocky as the start of the year has been, I am pretty pleased with my classroom…

…and my students’ contribution with their goals.

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Some of the goals were super-legit and real…

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…some of them were pretty impressive…

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…and others are goals that I desperately want to see them achieve.

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Let’s do this, kids.

On socks and dreams.

“Miss, can you help me think of an onomatopoeia word?”
“Sure, um- wait, actually…”
<I pull up my pants leg to reveal my socks.>
“Oh, Miss. Oh, no.”
“What? You’ve seen my other clothes. Are you surprised?”
“No. But just the fact that you own those socks…and I bet this is like a dream come true for you, isn’t it?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“That’s the key, right there. If your dreams are about making use of your lame teacher socks, then you’ll always be happy.”

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On human sacrifice.

<I pause after discussing the Scylla with my students, midway through Book 12 of The Odyssey.>
“Okay, so let’s move on-“
“Wait, Miss, I have an important question before we keep reading.”
“Okay.”
“If you were captain of the ship, and you had to pick six people in this class to sacrifice to the dog-to-pus (yes, that was my word for the monster), who would you feed it?”
<Students yell out their assumptions while I smile calmly.>
“When you’re quiet, I’ll answer the question.”
<Immediate silence.>
“Well, first of all,┬álet’s just point out that Odysseus doesn’t get to pick which of his crew die. But assuming that he could, let me also remind you that we need to make sure to move quickly though the passageway, so I shouldn’t let it eat any of the more athletic kiddos, no matter my personal feelings on them. In addition, I wouldn’t pick any of the smallest students, because it would be able to swallow them whole and snatch another one up faster. So I need to pick medium-build, weaker ones, but obviously not my favorites, because, you know – I’m still a person.”
“You’ve thought about this. You know already, don’t you?”
<shrugging> “I’m not going to tell you, either way. Can we keep reading?”
“Yep. Go on. Human sacrifice isn’t as fun in real life as it is in the book. Let’s kill some make-believe guys.”

On Hollywood vs real life.

“Miss, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. Go for it.”
“Why in the movies do they always use a spoon to spread stuff like mayo and mustard, but then in real life, no one does that?”
“I don’t know.”
“A butter knife is your best friend when making a sandwich. You know I’m right.”

On love at first sight.

<In the introduction to Romeo and Juliet, the students responded to the statement: Love at first sight is possible.>

“I agree, because the first time I saw chicken, I fell in love.”