Ridiculousness

On intended use

“Miss, may I go drink fluids?”
“What fluids?
“h-two-oh, please. Only fluids meant for internal use.”

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On eternity.

“Miss VanSickle, the next time you talk to God, can you tell him to make sure he lets me into heaven?”
“No, because then I have to deal with you for all eternity.”
“I’m’a move in right next door to you! And then I’m gonna take you to visit all the hermit crabs and hamsters I killed on accident.”
“You’ll be like, doing your thing, and then I—- gon’ pop out of the cloud like, ‘Hey Miiiiiiiiissssss.'”
“No.”
“Yes. I’m gonna move in on the other side, so it’ll be like I—-, then you, then me.”
“And you can’t touch us or you’ll get banished and you’ll have to be nice to us forever!”
“Miss VanSickle’s gonna end up in Hell, y’all.”

On Fbook personalities

<Today, to infuse some levity into my lesson on theme, I included a bonus warm up by asking them to identify the theme of Pastor Fred’s video.>

“That’s me. That’s me in 10 years.”
“10 years? That’s me tomorrow.”
“He know he right. He know.”

On my royalty and outfits.

“Miss V— did your mother not let you pick your own outfits as a kid or something?”
“Not often. And she made me wear those like, footed stockings all the time?”
“That explains it.”
“Always the parents’ fault.”
“What, do you guys not like my outfit today?”
“It’s pink and purple and furry and sparkly and fluffy…”
“That’s why it’s awesome.”
“…right…”
“I like it. You look like a princess, Miss.”
“Thank you, I AM a princess.”
“She looks like a fairy princess.”
“Can you do magic, Miss?”
“Not so much.”
“You could magically change my grade to a 100 for the year, I bet.”
“No, that’s not really something I can do.”
“Can a fairy queen do that? Because, like, we can make that promotion happen.”
“Dude, I don’t know what fairy queens wear, and I’m not sure it’s worth a 100 to find out.”

On my musical preferences. Again.

<Former student calls me to the door, where two more are with him, to ask a very important question.>
“Miss, were you listening to Shots by LMFAO this morning?”
“Immunizations are a very important part of leading a healthy, successful life as an American citizen.”
“Miss, really.”
“You know that’s not what the song’s about.”
<Looking at my favorite of the three.> “Sure it is. D—- knows that, don’t you?”
“Yep. All about vaccines.”
“Oh come on, it lists off shot names.”
“Yeah, so you know which ones to get.”
<sings, in rhythm>”Flu! Chicken pox! Measles! Malaria!”
“Malaria isn’t actually a shot, though…”
“Miss, come on, I’m trying to help you out here.”