School

On their own growth

<Today was Signing Day across the US, and one of my babies from my first year at high school (4 years ago) participated.>

“Look at you, my little baby-child, all grown and mature…”
“Ah, come on, Miss! I haven’t changed that much, have I?”
“Oh, you’ve still got that same dimpled smile, but you have definitely matured since I taught you and actually needed to call you that full, middle-name-included-name so you understood how much trouble you were in.”
“You were wrong for that.”
“You deserved it – and don’t tell me it didn’t work when I needed it to…”
“Name one time that you ‘needed to’ because I was too immature.”
“Uh, how about the time that you performed a flying tackle on your friend who walked in 15 minutes late, slammed him to the ground and completely disrupted my classroom?”
<Thinks.> “Yeah, but that was a good tackle, though, Miss, you gotta admit.”

 

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On anticipating plot twists

<As I set up The Outsiders to in the computer so we can watch what we just read, the students chatted with me.>
“What this movie, Miss? Is for children?”

“Noooo…it’s the book we’re reading, remember? What happened in chapter 1 so far?”
“Oh, he got beat up.”
“Is not for kids.”
“No, not really. It’s PG-13. That’s why I had to send that note? To your parents?”
“Miss- ¿hay alguna parte sexy?”
“Uh….yes? There is? Even though I hate that I understood that question…”
“Ayyy siiiii, Miss. Okay. We watch.”

They’re going to be so disappointed when they realize I was referring to Rob Lowe getting out of the shower…

On rap attention getters.

<Today, we had no internet. Which means the kids who usually zone out on their phones were instead running their mouths like crazy. I decided to make the most of this.>
“Y’all…y’all…baby children…<finally yelling> GUYS!”
<Most students quiet down.>
“Okay, look, fam, this isn’t going to work. I can’t yell all day. So, let’s try a new thing. Y’all know how some elementary teachers have like a thing, where they go, ‘Reeeed Robin’ and all the kids answer ‘Yuuummmmm?’ “
“Miiiiss, nooooooo.”
“Yes, this is where we’re at. But as I was driving to work this morning, I made myself a promise. So let’s see if you can finish our attention getter without me explaining.”
<I clear my throat.>
<Clap.>
“Sit down!”
<Clap clap.>
Half the class: “BE HUMBLLLLEEEEE!”
“Yeah, that’s a thing we’re doing now.”

For adults who don’t listen to Kendrick, see below:

On mixing fiction and reality.

<Students discussing the end of The Rest of Us Just Live Here in class.>
“Who turns down a healing?”
“I kind of get it, but I would take him up on it.”
“That boy- he needs to whip out the warm oils, turn on some smooth jazz, and tell his friends to heat them hands up and get their glowy selves on me.”
“Y’all are gonna kiiiiiill me.”
“Nah, I got Jared on speed dial. You ain’t gon’ die.”

On non-mistakes.

<I threaten to call one of my favorite students’ moms because he won’t stop bouncing ON (not in) his chair.>
“Man, Miss, don’t! I’ll calm down. I already got sent to the SRO today.”
“WHAT?”
“Stuff happened. I don’t know. It’s fine now, let’s not go there.”
“I get it, mistakes were made…”
“Nah, it wasn’t a mistake, I definitely meant to do it.”

On making mistakes.

<I translated this from Spanish>
“Y’all are telling her not to skip, but you guys skipped all the time!”
“Yes, but they learned from their mistakes.”
“Yeah, we learned! I don’t skip anymore!”
“You need to learn!”
“I’m gonna learn from my mistakes, but just not now. Like, later.”

On seeing me again

<While filling up at Quiktrip, I ran into a former student.>
“Miss VanSickle!”
“Hey, baby, how are you?”
“I’m good Miss, I’m good. I wasn’t sure it was you, y’know?”
“I know, I look different.”
“I know, I was like, ‘Damn, that girl looks like a younger hotter version of Miss V, and then you turned and I saw your tattoo.”
“Thanks?”
“It’s a compliment.”
“If you have to say it…but even if I’m hotter, why do you think I looked older when I taught you? Because the last time I had you, I was like, 24, and now I’m almost 30.”
“I know where you’re going with this, and I don’t like it.”
“It was your fault.”
“See, I said I didn’t like it…”

On Dr. Seuss consequences.

<I had my students practice STAAR strategies with picture books last week and this was overheard.>
“Aw, MAN, he straight up RATTED on that star-bellied-thingy. I’d cut him.”
“Oh, and look, they’re going to end up friends. Because this is a book for kids.”
“What can I say, man? Sneetches get beaches.”

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