On mixing fiction and reality.

<Students discussing the end of The Rest of Us Just Live Here in class.>
“Who turns down a healing?”
“I kind of get it, but I would take him up on it.”
“That boy- he needs to whip out the warm oils, turn on some smooth jazz, and tell his friends to heat them hands up and get their glowy selves on me.”
“Y’all are gonna kiiiiiill me.”
“Nah, I got Jared on speed dial. You ain’t gon’ die.”


On Dr. Seuss consequences.

<I had my students practice STAAR strategies with picture books last week and this was overheard.>
“Aw, MAN, he straight up RATTED on that star-bellied-thingy. I’d cut him.”
“Oh, and look, they’re going to end up friends. Because this is a book for kids.”
“What can I say, man? Sneetches get beaches.”


On what we have in common.

“Guys, c’mon, STAAR isn’t a race where you need to beat each other, we can all be successful.
<rolls eyes> “Yeah, c’mon guys, we can beat the STAAR *together!*”
“Thanks for that facetiousness.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You right though, Miss, we all come from Harambe.”

On coloring

<Today, if my students finished their timed writings, they had the option to color. ALL of my 4A students chose to color.>

“Miss, I see what you mean now. This is the most relaxed I’ve been all week.”
“I know, right? I came in here wanting to punch someone out, and now I don’t even want to a little bit.”
“This is the most valuable thing you’ve taught us all year.”


On returning compliments.

<Today, I told all my classes that I love them and they’re the reason I come to work. These are two of the responses I got.>

“Aw, thanks, Miss. You’re my favorite English teacher this year.”

“Nice. I’m’a go rate you on Yelp. 10 out of 10. Would recommend.”

On reasons I don’t love them

“Look, don’t put this all on M—-. There’s plenty of blame to go around, just like in Romeo and Juliet.”
<Student I just defended.>”You KNOW she got to relate it back to the book.”
“Nah, bro, get it right – the movie.”
<I put my head on my desk.>
“BOY, you stupid.”
“I don’t even blame her.”

On R&J reactions

<After reading and acting out Act III, scene i of Romeo and Juliet, we’re watching the clip of the fight scene from the 1996 film with Leonardo DiCaprio to compare.>

“Heeeeey Romeo, you cute!”
“Guys, come on, focus.”
“How a thirteen year-old get him?”
<A few minutes later, Romeo starts getting the crap beaten out of him.>
“Noooooo, not the cute one!”
“Miss, they’re messing up his face!”

On instructions

“Okay, when the video starts playing, you’re doing what?”
“Writing down topics we see and hear.”
“Right. But not yet. This is just an ad.”
“What’s this, Miss?”
“An ad.”
“A what?”
“An AD.”
<student writes on foldable> “Repetition…”

On odd pets and limits.

“Miss, I have a watermelon for a pet.”
“It’s green.”
“Is it a big watermelon or a small watermelon?”
“A small one.”
“So you wouldn’t have to check it when you get on a plane, it’ll fit in one of those little carriers.”
“Exactly! See? Miss V— gets it.”
“But the real question is whether it’s seedless or seeded.”
“Oh, seedless, that way we wouldn’t have to pay to get it fixed, and still wouldn’t have to worry about litters of baby watermelons running everywhere.”
<laughing> “Okay, yeah, that’s my limit.”
“You lasted a lot longer than all my other teachers, Miss. Good job.”