teacher

On my royalty and outfits.

“Miss V— did your mother not let you pick your own outfits as a kid or something?”
“Not often. And she made me wear those like, footed stockings all the time?”
“That explains it.”
“Always the parents’ fault.”
“What, do you guys not like my outfit today?”
“It’s pink and purple and furry and sparkly and fluffy…”
“That’s why it’s awesome.”
“…right…”
“I like it. You look like a princess, Miss.”
“Thank you, I AM a princess.”
“She looks like a fairy princess.”
“Can you do magic, Miss?”
“Not so much.”
“You could magically change my grade to a 100 for the year, I bet.”
“No, that’s not really something I can do.”
“Can a fairy queen do that? Because, like, we can make that promotion happen.”
“Dude, I don’t know what fairy queens wear, and I’m not sure it’s worth a 100 to find out.”

Advertisements

On my musical preferences. Again.

<Former student calls me to the door, where two more are with him, to ask a very important question.>
“Miss, were you listening to Shots by LMFAO this morning?”
“Immunizations are a very important part of leading a healthy, successful life as an American citizen.”
“Miss, really.”
“You know that’s not what the song’s about.”
<Looking at my favorite of the three.> “Sure it is. D—- knows that, don’t you?”
“Yep. All about vaccines.”
“Oh come on, it lists off shot names.”
“Yeah, so you know which ones to get.”
<sings, in rhythm>”Flu! Chicken pox! Measles! Malaria!”
“Malaria isn’t actually a shot, though…”
“Miss, come on, I’m trying to help you out here.”

On tech math

<First, I have to point out that this was a beginning English learner, which makes the joke more impressive – but it’s still a corny teacher joke, anyway.>

“Miss, I have iPhone eleven.”
“That’s not a real thing.”
“Yes, look!” <Pulls out two phones.> “6 plus five!”

On shared humors.

“Who wants to help pass back the notecards?”
<Most ridiculous child in class.>”OH!OH! ME!ME!”
“Really.”
“Yes, I SWEAR, I’ll be respectful and stuff for the rest of the day.”
“Okay, why not.”
<I pass back grade reports silently. Student calls out names as he passes papers back, then gets to the fourth one or so.>
“Oh, here it is.” <clears throat> “DEEE-NICE? Who’s DEEE-NICE?”
<I whip around. So fast.>”Shut. Up. You watch Key and Peele?”
“Miss, YOU watch Key and Peele?”
“UM, YEAH. That clips is like my life. I’ve been OBSESSING about it this week. You can as Mrs. Williams.”
“Same. Same.”

In case you haven’t seen it…