On my use of contacts.

<Today, I wore contacts all day for the first time ever. Here are some of my students’ reactions.>

“Miss, you blind now?”

“Miss, did you break your glasses?”

“Oh, you are wearing contact? You look…”
“Pretty, say she looks pretty.”
“Yeah, okay, pretty…”

“Contacts? On you? Do I like it? I feel like I like it.”

“Where’s Miss V—?”
“She’s right there.”
“Nah, that’s not her, that’s some lady who doesn’t wear glasses.”

“Oh you a real G now.”



On my latest tattoo

<Today, I wore a sleeveless dress and one of my students noticed my newest tattoo, as seen below.>


“Miss, are you loading?”

“You know what an ellipsis is.”

“You look like you’re loading.”



On my comparative success.

<This week, one of my best friends is in town. Last week, I was discussing the impending visit with a student of mine when this discussion happened.>
“So, who’s coming to visit?”
“One of my best friends.”
“You got more than one?”
“Yes, the one who’s coming to visit is a doctor in Baltimore, and then my other one lives in New York and works for Rolling Stone.”
“Miss, do you just like, feel bad about yourself all the time?”

On Fbook personalities

<Today, to infuse some levity into my lesson on theme, I included a bonus warm up by asking them to identify the theme of Pastor Fred’s video.>

“That’s me. That’s me in 10 years.”
“10 years? That’s me tomorrow.”
“He know he right. He know.”

On returning compliments.

<Today, I told all my classes that I love them and they’re the reason I come to work. These are two of the responses I got.>

“Aw, thanks, Miss. You’re my favorite English teacher this year.”

“Nice. I’m’a go rate you on Yelp. 10 out of 10. Would recommend.”

On my musical preferences. Again.

<Former student calls me to the door, where two more are with him, to ask a very important question.>
“Miss, were you listening to Shots by LMFAO this morning?”
“Immunizations are a very important part of leading a healthy, successful life as an American citizen.”
“Miss, really.”
“You know that’s not what the song’s about.”
<Looking at my favorite of the three.> “Sure it is. D—- knows that, don’t you?”
“Yep. All about vaccines.”
“Oh come on, it lists off shot names.”
“Yeah, so you know which ones to get.”
<sings, in rhythm>”Flu! Chicken pox! Measles! Malaria!”
“Malaria isn’t actually a shot, though…”
“Miss, come on, I’m trying to help you out here.”

On my love or hate for them.

“Miss V, do you ever get tired of and hate us? Because I get tired of and hate myself sometimes.”
“I’m just…going to walk over here now…”

<same kid, later>
“At this point, is there anything that I can do to convince you that I’m normal?”
“I thought so.”

On why my life is so awful.

<to another student who dropped a highlighter>”Could you actually learn to catch, for the first time ever?”
“Could you actually do some work for the first time ever?”
“Oh, no, hold up, Miss. I have an A+ in your class, so bring it.”
“Ughhhhh why is my life so awful?”
<Dancing.> “‘Cause I’m in it!” <Continues dancing.>

On proof of love.

<Teaching life lessons while reading…>

“Should you ever ask anyone to prove their love to you?”
<Most of class> “NO!”
<One kid> “YES!”
“Um, no.”
“Okay, but only if you’re really hungry and you want your mom to make you a sandwich.”

On tech math

<First, I have to point out that this was a beginning English learner, which makes the joke more impressive – but it’s still a corny teacher joke, anyway.>

“Miss, I have iPhone eleven.”
“That’s not a real thing.”
“Yes, look!” <Pulls out two phones.> “6 plus five!”