<Today, I wore contacts all day for the first time ever. Here are some of my students’ reactions.>
“Miss, you blind now?”
“Miss, did you break your glasses?”
“Oh, you are wearing contact? You look…”
“Pretty, say she looks pretty.”
“Yeah, okay, pretty…”
“Contacts? On you? Do I like it? I feel like I like it.”
“Where’s Miss V—?”
“She’s right there.”
“Nah, that’s not her, that’s some lady who doesn’t wear glasses.”
“Oh you a real G now.”
<Today was Signing Day across the US, and one of my babies from my first year at high school (4 years ago) participated.>
“Look at you, my little baby-child, all grown and mature…”
“Ah, come on, Miss! I haven’t changed that much, have I?”
“Oh, you’ve still got that same dimpled smile, but you have definitely matured since I taught you and actually needed to call you that full, middle-name-included-name so you understood how much trouble you were in.”
“You were wrong for that.”
“You deserved it – and don’t tell me it didn’t work when I needed it to…”
“Name one time that you ‘needed to’ because I was too immature.”
“Uh, how about the time that you performed a flying tackle on your friend who walked in 15 minutes late, slammed him to the ground and completely disrupted my classroom?”
<Thinks.> “Yeah, but that was a good tackle, though, Miss, you gotta admit.”
<Today, I wore a sleeveless dress and one of my students noticed my newest tattoo, as seen below.>
“Miss, are you loading?”
“You know what an ellipsis is.”
“You look like you’re loading.”
<😐>
😁
<This week, one of my best friends is in town. Last week, I was discussing the impending visit with a student of mine when this discussion happened.>
“So, who’s coming to visit?”
“One of my best friends.”
“You got more than one?”
“Yes, the one who’s coming to visit is a doctor in Baltimore, and then my other one lives in New York and works for Rolling Stone.”
<pause>
“Miss, do you just like, feel bad about yourself all the time?”
<Today, we had no internet. Which means the kids who usually zone out on their phones were instead running their mouths like crazy. I decided to make the most of this.>
“Y’all…y’all…baby children…<finally yelling> GUYS!”
<Most students quiet down.>
“Okay, look, fam, this isn’t going to work. I can’t yell all day. So, let’s try a new thing. Y’all know how some elementary teachers have like a thing, where they go, ‘Reeeed Robin’ and all the kids answer ‘Yuuummmmm?’ “
“Miiiiss, nooooooo.”
“Yes, this is where we’re at. But as I was driving to work this morning, I made myself a promise. So let’s see if you can finish our attention getter without me explaining.”
<I clear my throat.>
<Clap.>
“Sit down!”
<Clap clap.>
Half the class: “BE HUMBLLLLEEEEE!”
“Yeah, that’s a thing we’re doing now.”
For adults who don’t listen to Kendrick, see below:
<Students discussing the end of The Rest of Us Just Live Here in class.>
“Who turns down a healing?”
“I kind of get it, but I would take him up on it.”
“That boy- he needs to whip out the warm oils, turn on some smooth jazz, and tell his friends to heat them hands up and get their glowy selves on me.”
“Y’all are gonna kiiiiiill me.”
“Nah, I got Jared on speed dial. You ain’t gon’ die.”
“Miss, may I go drink fluids?”
“What fluids?”
“h-two-oh, please. Only fluids meant for internal use.”
<I threaten to call one of my favorite students’ moms because he won’t stop bouncing ON (not in) his chair.>
“Man, Miss, don’t! I’ll calm down. I already got sent to the SRO today.”
“WHAT?”
“Stuff happened. I don’t know. It’s fine now, let’s not go there.”
“I get it, mistakes were made…”
“Nah, it wasn’t a mistake, I definitely meant to do it.”
“MISS, OHMYYYYYYGOOOOOOOOODDDDDD. “
“Yes?”
“THERE’S GONNA BE NEW MUSE MUSIC!”
“Did you say Kids Bop?”
“Hey Miss.”
<Student walks up to me in the hall and hands me a note.>
It reads: My dad like the new tree you planted in your front yard and he wants you to email him the name of it. He’s so weird. Don’t tell me, he’s so embarrassing, just email him so he doesn’t like, call you in class.
“That’s not weird, it’s a really cool tree.”
“Miss, just email him. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“DO YOU NOT LIKE MY TREE?”
“See, I TOLD him you were gonna get weird about it!”
“Why aren’t you answering me? My tree isn’t good enough for you?”
“Yes, yes, it’s good enough, what’s it called?”
“A golden rain tree.”
“Why you won’t tell me the truth now?”
“I did – look it up.”
“If I look this up, and it’s not a tree, you have to give me a free 100.”
“Okay, but if you look it up and it IS a tree, and it’s MY tree, then you have to become an arborist so you never make this mistake again.”
“Bet.”
<Looks it up.>
“MAN, MISS! I don’t even know what an arborist is! Do they like, work on arms or boards?”
“Trees.”
“Oh.” <pause> “I’ve got to stop making bets with you…”
Stuff High Schoolers Say 